Okay, so I get that people will look at this and think “well how could some one be scared of themselves?” It may seem unlikely to someone who actually doesn’t suffer with mental health issues but to someone who does, being scared of themselves is highly possible aswell of being scared of life.
For me when my mental health takes over my thoughts race, I can’t rely on my own mind because I become scared of it. I have these voices in my head (yeah, I know what you’re thinking, she’s crazy right? Me too) that tell me all sorts of things, like I’m worthless I’m a nobody and that everyone is conspiring against me and everybody wants to get rid of me and hurt me. I become scared of what I could possibly do to myself, I hurt myself and I’m scared that it’ll go further, guess in a way youu could say that I don’t trust myself I don’t trust my own mind when my mental health takes over.
I also know what it’s like to be scared of life because the truth is who can we actually trust? Especially if we can’t even trust ourselves.. Life is scary like massively scary and I know that so many people will agree with that.. But living with a mental health condition(s) makes it even more scarier. Youu become scared of everything and everyone, sometimes youu don’t even know what’s real and what’s not so that makes it even more scarier. Everything can just build and build and build inside of youu until your this big messed up ball of scared, and this is where I’m at right now n my own life..
I’m scared of myself, I’m scared of the people around me, I’m scared of life, I’m scared of being unloved, I’m scared of being rejected, I’m scared of failing, I’m scared of being forgotten, I’m scared of my own mind and my own thoughts, I’m scared of the voices that live inside of my head. I’m just that big messed up ball of scared, and guess what? It absolutely bloody sucks.
I know there are so many people out there that will feel the exact same way that I do, I know that I’m not the only person going through something like this but if I’m honest I do feel extremely completely alone and it’s such an awful feeling. So if you’re reading this blog, either sat at a desk or lay in bed with your headphones on, or where ever it is youu are right now I want youu to know you’re not alone, youu don’t have to go through this alone, I’m lucky because I have professionals who know how to handle/help me, and youu could have that too.. Just reach out for some help because you’re honestly so worth it. Youu deserve to get better, youu deserve to be supported and youu more than deserve to be happy just take that first step and I promise youu, that youu won’t regret it.