Being dealt a shit hand in life.

How much is one person supposed to handle? How much before a person explodes? How much before a person completely falls apart? These are the questions I find I’m asking myself a lot lately.. 

One thing after another and it feels like I’m supposed to handle it, but the truth is that I can’t. I was told something the other day that could potentially shape my future, something I’m really struggling to digest I think it’s safe to say it’s something that has completely messed with my head and I’m not sure if I can actually handle.. Let me explain..

So the other day I went to the doctors again after having three ear infections in the past two months, only when I was there I knew I had to raise another issue I’ve been having, my ladies “monthly cycle” hasn’t happened for four months now, which is very uncommon for me as I’m regular as clock work (sorry to any men reading this) so the obvious question was asked about pregnancy and that wasn’t the case, so I’ve been given a likely diagnosis of polycystic ovaries and told it may be difficult for me to get pregnant in the future, this threw me completely as it’s always been my dream to be a mum, I have to have further tests to see if this is the case if so then can discuss my options.. I’ve been left absolutely devastated, my mind is spinning and I’m struggling to handle this bombshell I was given by a doctor..

I’ve been told to not worry or think about it until we have the results back but that’s easier said than done when you’re told something like this, especially when you’re a worrier anyway. I’ve only told my best friend and as my mum was with me at the doctors she knows too, walking out of that doctors room my head in a spin I broke down, I broke down in my mums arms, with other things going on in my life this for me was the final thing to push me over the edge and I finally broke. I guess in a way its the waiting and the not knowing that is the hardest part. My mind is going overtime and if I’m being completely honest I’m scared. 

I guess my reason for writing this post is to look for some support because i need it now more than ever. I’m stuck in the unknown right now and its a scary place to be. I can’t do this alone.

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