I look at everything that’s going on around me and all I think is “it’s all one big mess”. When youu say this to someone they look at youu as if to say ” what mess?”.. What some people don’t understand is that its not a visual mess like you’d see if youu walked into a room and everything was all over the floor, it’s a mess that only youu yourself can see and I guess that’s harder to explain really..
For me when I say “it’s all a big mess” I see aspects of my life scattered on the floor in front of me, if things get too much for me to handle then this mess starts to pile on top of each other until they eventually tip over and break all over the floor when this happens it can mean one of two things 1) I’m about to have a massive break down or 2) I’m about to explode.. This pile up happens when I can’t handle the mess in front of me and I just try and ignore it because I know that if I try to just move past this mess I’ll get stuck and fall apart so instead of dealing with the mess I let it pile up and pile up until it falls to the floor but then the only problem is I’ll be left with a bigger mess..
I know that when things do get to much for me to handle I hit the self destruct button, I do things that hurt me, I push people away and I just sink so deep into depression that I have no way of finding my way back out again. That’s where I’m at right now, I’ve hit that self destruct button and I’m sinking and quite honestly I just don’t know what to do for the best anymore.
I have one piece of advice if you’re reading this and youu see that mess in front of youu, reach out to someone before youu hit the self destruct button, ask for help because there’s no shame in that you’re worth far more than youu think, I’ve gone past that stage right now but for youu its not too late so please just reach out to anyone that youu trust and you’ll come outta the over side far stronger than youu were at the beginning!