Tired of existing and not up to life.

Like many people I have days like this, everything is falling apart into a million tiny pieces around youu, your entire body is weighed down with emotions that are just to heavy for youu to carry. Where simply just getting yourself out of bed and dressed in the morning feels like you’ve ran a marathon and won. Yet going beyond your bedroom door, your safe place, taking that further step scares youu because youu don’t know what that day is going to bring and whether youu can handle it or not. Take that step!

There are times like many people where my mental health issues grab a hold of me and drag me into the deep depths of depression and anxiety. They grab hold so hard and this makes me tired of existing and not up to life because in that depth of anxiety and depression the hole is to dark and to deep to pull myself out of and it’s exhausting. It takes all my strength to get out of bed, take a shower, get dressed and leave my safe place my bedroom but I do it.  I’ve somehow managed it but despite that I’m still not fully there, I’m not fully functioning. On these days I’ll be highly emotional anything and everything big or small will have me crying, the world will seem out to get me, my mind will tell me I’m not worth anyone’s time, my mind will tell me everybody would be better of without me. I ask myself “what’s the point? Why am I bothering” because on these days I can’t do right from doing wrong, I can’t concentrate when I need to, I’m just not functioning and all I want to do is hide away from the world and disappear because I’m tired of existing and not up to life. 

This is one of the hardest things about living with mental health issues, every part of your being hurts, existing hurts, thinking hurts and life hurts. You’re too scared to reach out to anybody when you’re anxious because your depression is telling youu that nobody will care  everyone hates youu so instead youu suffer in silence and believe that you’re alone. 

If you’re reading this post and are struggling, I know that it may not give youu any hope, but what I hope it will do is show youu that you’re not alone, youu matter and what youu feel is important. If you’re reading this and you’ve managed to just get out of bed well done! You’ve accomplished a massive thing for the day and youu should feel proud of yourself because I’m proud of you! To some people it will only seem like a small thing but to those who struggle with mental health issues its huge! This is the only thing I’ve wanted to be told but I’m going to tell youu this instead, your feelings are valid, youu matter, you’re important, you’re strong and most importantly it’s going to be okay! 

I promise that we won’t feel this way for ever, we’ll one day have the laughter instead of the tears, the light instead of the darkness, untill then just remember you’re strong and youu will get through this.


Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )


Connecting to %s