I feel like this a lot especially right now. Everything around me is falling apart and I can’t make it stop, every little piece of my life Is crumbling into little parts around me and I can’t put the pieces back together I just don’t know how to.
Have youu ever pictured yourself in your own mind, running along a path, some grass, a big field or what ever it is you’re running on, but you’re running, as fast as youu can away from everyone and everything, youu can’t look back because it hurts to much, youu don’t know where you’re going or how long you’re going for youu just know youu have to get away from it all get away from all the hurt the pain the misery the mess that youu call your life.
Days like this hurt, they tear apart your every being, it simply just hurts to much to carry on, it hurts to exist especially when all youu want to do is escape, run away and disappear because life is simply just to much to handle right now.
Everyone has their own coping mechanisms and mine is to either hurt myself or run. I avoid any situation that hurts me, I try my best to avoid being hurt so I run and hide away, sometimes it doesn’t work out and I get hurt so bad that my mind tells me everyone would be better of with out me, that they’d be happier if I just disappeared and these voices in my mind I believe every single word that they tell me. I believe them with every fiber of my being.
Situations can go either way, they either work out for the better or they hurt youu so badly youu can’t get yourself out of them, they leave youu stuck in a rut that is simply to hard to climb out of. Youu try so hard to work through every situation as best as youu can but the harder one makes youu feel like you’re being dragged backwards instead of pushed forwards, youu can either end up back at square one or youu can be pushed further back so its harder to work through. These harder hurtful situations make youu doubt yourself and make youu want to run as far and as fast as your legs can carry youu just to escape the pain.
I want to run, I want to disappear, I want to escape because life for me right now in this moment is to difficult for me to even contemplate staying, existing is simply hurting me to much, however some how, I’m holding on in the hope that one day very soon I come out of this dark place, I’m trying and I’m carrying on no matter how much it hurts existing right now I’m still here and I’m still trying.